Thursday, September 5, 2013

Weekly Game Guide: Lesser of Two Evils Edition

Week two of the college football season brings us another slate of must see or die trying to see football games.

Purdue won the rock-paper-scissors battle for the chance to get a win over Indiana State.  Last week the Hoosiers destroyed the Sycamores 73-35.  Purdue lost to Cincinnati 42-7, presumably caught looking ahead to Indiana State.  We'll throw the Boilers a bone here . . . GO PURDUE!

Speaking of Indiana, the mighty Hoosiers are going to try and prove week one wasn't a fluke.  They are favored by about two touchdowns over Navy.  I'd pick the Hoosiers to win, but that might make it look like I care.  And I don't.

The big, bad Badgers who beat UMass 45-0, will turn their football power against the incredibly unlucky Tennessee Tech.  Maybe they'll be looking ahead to Arizona State, but I don't think there's much hope that Wisconsin will lose this game.  And it would make our conference look bad. :(   So On Wisconsin!

After squeaking by Wyoming 37-34, Nebraska will take on Southern Miss.  The Huskers were favored by 31 in the opening line.  That doesn't say much for Southern Miss.  GO HUSKERS!

Illinois managed to beat Southern Illinois last week, but they will face Cincinnati this week.  That's two Big Ten teams in a row for the Bearcats.  Who do they think they are?  Notre Dame?  The Bearcats are a 7.5 point favorite over the Illini.  After their little recruiting fiasco on the Penn State campus last year, I'd be fine if Illinois lost every game they play.  GO BEARCATS!

I'm sorry, would that be bad for the Big Ten?  :)

Minnesota is favored by 15 against New Mexico State.  At New Mexico State.  Can you imagine PSU playing a game AT Mexico State?  Ay! Caramba!  But gophers are kinda cute, so we'll root for the little varmints.  This week.

Iowa will take on Missouri . . . wait for it . . . State.  Good chance to win here chickenhawks.  Just don't let that loss to a directional Illinois team get in your feathered heads. 

The Spartans will host the Bulls of South Florida.  Sparty is a 24.5 point fave.  I can go green.  And white.  GO MSU!

The Buckeyes will entertain San Diego State in Columbus this weekend.  'Entertain' as in beat the senseless pulp out of them.  The Columbus Pro Team is favored by 28.5 points.  I can't root for the Buckeyes.  I don't let friends root for the Buckeyes. 

Northwestern faces a familiar foe as Syracuse travels to Evanston for a night game.  Pat Fitzgerald apparently made the claim this week--TWICE--that Syracuse should have and could have beaten Penn State.  Oh really!  Scott Shafer for Syracuse apparently agreed.  Isn't that special?  Well Pat, I think Syracuse can and will beat your team.  GO ORANGE!

In all honesty, Fitzgerald is probably just playing up the other team and using that statement to warn his team about how good Syracuse might be, as in 'good enough to almost beat Penn State.'  But that's not what he said.  See, he could have said they were almost good enough to beat PSU, but he chose to say--TWICE--that Syracuse should have beaten Penn State.  Scoreboard buddy.  Look at the scoreboard.

Future Big Ten Brethren Rutgers and Maryland will face Norfolk State and Old Dominion respectively.  Yawwwwwn.  GO RUTGERS.  GO TERPS.  After all, it will look better for the Big Ten, right?  ;)

Which brings us to the "marquee" match-up of the week.  THEM vs. Notre Lame.  A stress-inducing three and a half hours if ever there was.  I can't stand either team.  I don't want either one to win.  There's no chance of a tie.  It's like watching two of your kids drowning, but you can save only one.  Even when one wins, there is pain.

I simply can't risk Notre Dame going to a BCS Bowl that they don't deserve again.  If you want to play in a BCS Bowl with the Big Boys, you should damn well be in a BCS conference like the Big Boys.  Tradition didn't mean anything when you terminated your series with THEM, but I thank you, so that we will be spared this match-up in the future.  And while the Irish still have to navigate a schedule with Oklahoma, USC, and Stanford, we as a nation simply cannot chance the Irish going undefeated again.  Beat them now.  Beat them badly.  GO WOLVERINES!

I can't believe I just typed that.  I have to go sterilize my keyboard now.

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