"Critical" Game

Old Bob Spoo he had a team, E – I – E – I – U!
And on this team, great players few, E – I – E – I – U!
With a dink pass here, and a field goal there,
Here a sack, move them back, everywhere the team lacks,
Old Bob Spoo he had a team, E – I – E – I – U!

Penn State beat E-I-E-I-U 52-3 on what started out as a dismal, chilly October day. By the fourth quarter, the sun was breaking through the clouds, and Penn State did just what a nationally ranked team should do to a 1AA team—soundly beat them.

Have you ever enjoyed a movie which the critics—the so-called experts—panned? Not every movie is an Academy Award winner—some aren’t meant to be. If you go to see Caddyshack, you don’t expect Best Actor nominees, let alone riveting dialog and engaging plot lines. Yet, most fans of this movie don’t care. It serves its purpose without trying to be something that it is not and never was intended to be.

What does this have to do with Eastern Illinois? Well, if you were expecting Alabama or Ohio State then you were destined to be severely disappointed. But if you went to the game just to have a good time—just to be entertained, then this was the Caddyshack type of game for you.
Despite the fact that we actually played a game, most of the talk this past week was about the schedule. And most of that talk was negative. I’m not going to waste precious bytes trying to defend this game. It is what it is. You can’t turn Caddyshack into Chariots of Fire. We fans don’t schedule these games. I, for one, understand the economics behind such scheduling, although I’d still rather watch a more competitive game.

The Altoona Mirror cartoon suggests that we picked Eastern Illinois over Southern Cal, Notre Dame, or Cal because they had bye weeks. Cincinnati and Boise State also had bye weeks. But the question is not WHO is available, but WHICH TEAM is willing to come to Beaver Stadium without a return trip. I doubt any of those teams would be willing to do that. Even TCU backed out on us. We’d probably even consider scheduling Pitt if no return trip was expected. But that is not the world we live in.

But the game was exciting in its own right. We saw a 91 yard fumble returned by Bowman for a touchdown with 5 seconds left in the half, a play where he nearly ran out of gas before crossing the goal line and reminiscent of Harrison’s return in the Super Bowl. It was the longest fumble return in Beaver Stadium history. And if you were one of the hearty fans dedicated enough to show up—you got to see it in person, and feel the thrill of the crowd responding. If you were one of those fans that deigned this game beneath you, then you missed it. So sad.

I saw a lot of new faces in our section—folks that got seats for this game from those who didn’t have the time for it. Each and every one of them was likely thankful for this schedule—it gave them an opportunity to experience a Penn State game. Had Alabama or Notre Dame been on the field, those tickets would not have been available.

If we had had a better opponent, the students might have had to actually show up for the game. Sadly, the student section was never more than half-filled and even that might be generous. Seriously, where were they? You could sleep in till almost noon and still make it to your seat before the first quarter was in the books. Were they all studying? Seriously. How many games do you have the opportunity to attend as a student? Is it really worth skipping one just because the opponent doesn’t interest you? Does being a fan mean you only show up for the primetime, big games? I really don’t get young people today.

The listed attendance of 104,488 was obviously counting tickets sold rather than actual fans. The crowd was one of the sparsest I can recall. I won't excuse the Alumni for not showing, but many of them pay a whole lot more for those tickets than the students, and travel much further distances than the East Halls to get there. To those who joined me on what turned out to be a beautiful fall afternoon in Happy Valley, I salute you.

The Lions delivered just what you would expect for a game not worthy of an Academy Award nomination. The offense tallied 553 total yards and averaged 8.9 yards per play. The defense held the Panthers to 59 yards rushing and 206 yards total on the day.

Kevin Newsome got some playing time, and showed why he needed it with two fumbles. PSU recovered both. Unfortunately, we will likely not see him on the field again barring an injury to Clark the rest of the year, except maybe for the waning minutes of the Indiana game. Had we played a tough opponent, he would not even have gotten this playing time. McGloin also got a few snaps as well.

Like it or not, these games are here to stay. Florida played Charleston Southern. Florida State played Jacksonville State. I’m not suggesting it is right because everyone does it. The reality, though, is that everyone does do it. Plus, it benefits the smaller schools by sharing some of the wealth. And as long as they sell 105,000 tickets, it won’t change. But you can bitch about the quality all you want, or you can accept it for what it is.

And it was a fun win for the fans who showed up.

BY THE NUMBERS:

From GoPSUsports.com:

Team Totals	EIU	PSU
FIRST DOWNS	14	28
Rushing	4	16
Passing	10	12
Penalty	0	0
NET YARDS RUSHING	59	285
Rushing Attempts	32	36
Average Per Rush	1.8	7.9
Rushing Touchdowns	0	3
Yards Gained Rushing	101	285
Yards Lost Rushing	42	0
NET YARDS PASSING	147	268
Completions-Attempts-Int	15-31-1	17-26-1
Average Per Attempt	4.7	10.3
Average Per Completion	9.8	15.8
Passing Touchdowns	0	3
TOTAL OFFENSE YARDS	206	553
Total offense plays	63	62
Average Gain Per Play	3.3	8.9
Fumbles: Number-Lost	1-1	2-0
Penalties: Number-Yards	2-15	4-20
PUNTS-YARDS	7-289	2-80
Average Yards Per Punt	41.3	40.0
Net Yards Per Punt	36.0	40.0
Inside 20	1	1
50+ Yards	2	0
Touchbacks	0	0
Fair catch	0	0
KICKOFFS-YARDS	2-140	9-577
Average Yards Per Kickoff	70.0	64.1
Net Yards Per Kickoff	50.0	43.3
Touchbacks	2	1
Punt returns: Number-Yards-TD	0-0-0	6-37-0
Average Per Return	0.0	6.2
Kickoff returns: Number-Yds-TD	8-167-0	0-0-0
Average Per Return	20.9	0.0
Interceptions: Number-Yds-TD	1-0-0	1-11-0
Fumble Returns: Number-Yds-TD	0-0-0	1-91-1
Miscellaneous Yards	0	0
Possession Time	30:21	29:39
1st Quarter	5:42	9:18
2nd Quarter	10:47	4:13
3rd Quarter	7:44	7:16
4th Quarter	6:08	8:52
Third-Down Conversions	5 of 15	3 of 7
Fourth-Down Conversions	0 of 0	0 of 1
Red-Zone Scores-Chances	0-1	4-4
Sacks By: Number-Yards	0-0	5-30
PAT Kicks	0-0	7-7
Field Goals	1-2	1-1

INTANGIBLES:

Penn State won the toss and deferred.

The Drum Major stuck both flips. The Blue Band halftime show was one of their best ever, featuring movie themes from Batman, Star Wars, Back to the Future, Superman, and Rocky. It was worth the trip even if the game wasn't.

It was Champ's Day. Penn State honored its national and Big Ten championship teams, which included football, fencing, field hockey, men's basketball, women's track and field, women's gymnastics, women's soccer, men's volleyball and, of course, the Lady Lion Volleyball team with back-to-back national championships!

Joe Paterno inches another game ahead of Bowden as dadgumit’s team lost to Georgia Tech.

Eastern Illinois is the 83rd new opponent to face a Joe Paterno squad.

THE BIG (TEN) PICTURE:

The Hawkeyes roll on, beating THEM 30-28. But can they beat a team that doesn’t turn over the ball a dozen times? The Buckeyes beat the badgers 31-13, but three of the scores were pick sixes and a kick off returned for a touchdown. The Spartans beat Illinois 24-14. Minnesota upended Purdue 35-20, and Northwestern outlasted Miami (OH) 16-6. Indiana was crushed 47-7 by Virginia, who lost to William & Mary to open the season. The ’eyes are the only two undefeated teams in conference play.

SHEDDING TEARS:

1. Auburn—being ranked ain’t for sissies
2. LSU—geaux-ing nowhere fast
3. Ole Miss—SEC pretenders
4. Missouri—husked by Nebraska in a downpour. I’ve been there and done that. What is with playing well in the rain and corn?
5. BC—teched by Va Tech 48-14. I like that score—has a certain ring to it.

LOOKING AHEAD:

Penn State welcomes Minnesota back to Beaver Stadium for homecoming. The game is set for 3:30. Minnesota is 4-2 with losses to Cal (35-21) and Wisconsin (31-28). The Gophers beat Syracuse 23-20, Air Force 20-13 and Northwestern 35-24. We will look closer at how these teams match up statistically later this week, but Penn State dominates the comparison in nearly every category outside of special teams.

Should We Be Worried?

After all, it's only Eastern Illinois (E-I-E-I-U!)

Well don't look now, but their starting QB is a transfer from . . . !*w@. Of all places! (And he's a least smart enough to want to get out of there! Then again, he ended up in Illinois--Eastern Illinois no less, so maybe his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.)

But fear not, PSU fans. Christensen is the ONLY !*w@ QB we have beaten in the last 8 games! This will be his second trip to Happy Valley, as chronicled by Adam Rittenberg.

Christensen expects many of his teammates to be "awestruck at first," but he won't be. The former Iowa quarterback will be making his second trip to Happy Valley as a player after facing Penn State in 2007. Christensen endured a rough day in a rough season, as Iowa lost 27-7 and he was sacked five teams as the Hawkeyes recorded only eight first downs.

His lasting impression from Beaver Stadium? "Real loud," he said. "They're going to be bigger than we are and probably faster than we are at every position, but
it’s been done before and there’s no reason why we can’t do it. We’re not scared, we're not intimidated. We're ready to play football."

In discussing the hawkeyes dominance over PSU of late, the ex-Hawkeye has this to say:

"I don’t know, man," he said when asked to explain Iowa's success in the series. "They get some breaks against that team that I’ve never seen before in my life."

I don't know either, but there is some strange voodoo going on there if you ask me, which of course, you did not. It's not as totally off the wall incomprehensible as the 11 game streak to THEM, but it's coming mighty close. Too close for comfort.

And of his former coaches:

When asked if left-handers get picked on by their coaches, Christensen, a southpaw, said with a laugh, "Well, apparently Iowa's coaches didn't like me very much."

And they like him even less now.

Bobs Poo Coaches Eastern Illinois

And other mundane facts about Eastern Illinois.

As this game week progresses, I realized a couple of things. I couldn't match up the statistics between Penn State and EIU (E-I-E-I-U!) because the latter doesn't play in the same division we do. Some would argue that these statistical match-ups are worthless anyway, but it is even more worthless if the divisions are completely different.

So as I debated about what to blog about, I realized another important thing . . . I don't know jack about E-I-E-I-U.

From Wikipedia:

The first building was finished in 1899 and is called Old Main.

The bastards! They stole Old Main from us!

Their colors are blue and gray.

A thinly veiled attempt to make us think they didn't also steal our colors. They probably started out blue and white, but they don't have any Tide with bleach in Charleston, Illinois. Good gravy, they stole Charleston, West Virginia's town name too! And from South Carolina! Unoriginal hicks!

Their mascot is the panther.

They stole that from someone. Couldn't be Carolina, since the expansion team wasn't around in 1899.

The Booth Library is named after Mary Josephine Booth--a librarian. Of course, Penn State named the library after it's football coach. If E-I-E-I-U did that, it would be called Bobs Poo Bob Spoo.



Miss Booth (can't understand how this hottie didn't get hitched):

. . . was widely known to librarians of her time from her 1914 publication “Material on Geography Which May Be Obtained Free or at Small Cost.”

So she was cheap frugal.

Notable Alumni include:

Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboy QB

Mike Shanahan, former Denver Head Coach

Newton Tarble, one of the founders of SnapOn Tools

And two actors who did not graduate, yet are listed as alumni:

John Malkovich

Jerry Van Dyke (Luther Van Dam of Coach)

I'd rather be coached by Luther Van Dam than Bobs Poo.

Counting Down the Season - Part One

Strap on your helmets, here we go.

Each year, I preview the season by starting with what appears--in my estimation--to be the easiest game on our schedule to win, and finishing up 12 games later with the game that I perceive as being the toughest to win.

This analysis is completely scientific. It's as dependable as photosynthesis and as right as an angle in the Pythagorean Theorem. And if you believe that, I also have some lovely swampland in Florida I'd like to sell you.

Most of my analysis is not based on numbers or fact, but on gut instincts. As such, I might be right, or it just might be gas. Sometimes I have appendicitis.

Normally I would start the countdown with one team, but let's face it, this year's schedule does not lend itself well to that. Most people with any modicum of football knowledge would know that Eastern Illinois is the easiest game on the schedule, and that game alone is probably not worth an entire post.

In fact, the schedule lends itself to thirds--one third that are almost definite wins (as definite as you can get in an era when "on any given Saturday" can bite you in the grass)--one third that should be wins, and one third that could go either way.

The first third shakes out like this . . .

12. Eastern Illinois

11. Syracuse

10. Akron

9. Temple

Is it coincidence that the four easiest games are also the out of conference schedule? I was sorely tempted to add Indiana to this mix, but you can rest easily knowing they will appear at #8, not because there's much chance we will lose to them, but because I couldn't really argue that they are any worse than the above teams either. And five teams does not constitute a third unless you round down or are really bad at math.

EASTERN ILLINOIS

This FCS team hails from the Ohio Valley Conference which includes such teams as Murray State, Jacksonville State, and Austin Peay. I know of these only from the ticker that runs across the bottom of ESPN updating scores of games no one cares about.

The Panthers went 5-7 last year and 3-5 in their conference. Their offense ranked sixth--in their league. Their 2008 Sagarin ranking was 200. (Sagarin rankings are between the games played by 245 teams, so they were 45th from dead last.)

I have already spent more time on this game than is worth the bandwidth, so we shall move on.

SYRACUSE

While the Orangeman somehow found a way to beat the bowl-bound Irish, their 3-9 season (1-6 in the Big Least) was a dismal parting gift for Greg Robinson who jumped ship to be defensive coordinator for another 3 win program in the Big Ten.

The Orange will return their senior signal caller, but that's kind of like being on a boat and having the captain of the Titanic back.

The Lions pasted the Orange 55-13 on their turf. It won't be any prettier in Beaver Stadium.

Interestingly, the Orange open with Minnesota, Penn State and Northwestern. Paterno recently threw Syracuse's name out there in regard to expansion. Coincidence? This could be a crucial interview period and pretest for Syracuse IF the Big Ten ever expands and IF Syracuse would be given any consideration by someone other than Paterno.

AKRON

The things that will make this game interesting are 1) it is the season opener --woo hoo!, and 2) it will feature one of the few competent QBs on our schedule versus our rebuilt and suspect secondary.

Chris Jacquemain passed for over 2,700 yards, 57.9% completions, 20 TDs and 14 INTs. His two favorite targets are both back. Virtually all his line returns except for All-MAC lineman Kemme, but they will be breaking in a new running back. This will be an excellent opening test for our defense.

But even with a decent passing game, the Zips were only 5-7 last year and 3-5 in the MAC. None of the preseason publications I have read have them challenging for the MAC title.

Mark it down: If we can control Akron's passing game, that bodes very well for the season. If we give up a lot of passing yardage in the first three quarters, it shifts the balance of confidence for future games negatively.

TEMPLE

Temple will be chasing defending MAC Champion Buffalo and Bowling Green in their conference, let alone hoping to make a respectable showing in Beaver Stadium. Last year, I read a lot of positive things about the Owls--not enough to worry me about our game with them, but enough to wonder if Al Golden really could turn the program around. Some Tem,ple fans were even dreaming BOWL. Alas, when the dust settled, the Owls were 5-7 (4-4) and the dream of a bowl game dashed in the ashes of failure.

But it's all in how you look at it. Temple's five wins were the most in 18 seasons. Eighteen! Unfortunately, the Owls have some rebuilding to do on offense, beginning with replacing one time PSU recruit and starting QB Adam DiMichele. New QB + Beaver Stadium = disaster.

On the plus side, they return nine starters on defense--a defense that gave up 45 points to our HD offense last season on the road so to speak.

The Owls open with Villanova and have a bye before coming to University Park. They can't afford not to look ahead because they open MAC play against Buffalo the following week--yeah, a win against PSU would be a feather in their cap, but they need to concentrate on competing in their own conference before they set out to conquer the world.

Penn State ought to be 4-0 after these games. No excuses.